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I am not a perfect man. I appreciate the many testimonies given to me by so many - sometimes it is overwhelming at the love and caring that has been shown to me on this page…so much that I don’t feel that I deserve any of it. You see, it is not just me that has been encouraging many of you and ministering to your souls. It is the Lord Jesus Christ who is working through me and speaking through me. When I became saved by the blood of Jesus Christ back in 1997 in that jail cell, I made a promise to the Lord that if He would save my life and allow me to have a loving and meaningful relationship with Him that I would love Him heart, mind, body and soul and that I would give my life to Him so that He may be able to use me to speak to and minister to His people. I am not a perfect man…but it is the Lord Jesus Christ who is working through me and speaking to you through me that is allowing me to be the man that you see before you…
It is difficult to type this because I am doing it through tears and I have tried to stop crying but I cannot. The reason being is because some of you have no idea the things that I deal with everyday - things that I had thought that I had given over to the Lord. But, sometimes, it gets very hard. How can I be able to minister to so many others, when I find it sometimes to minister to myself and deal with a few of the things that I deal with?
One thing that I deal with most often is the pain of abandonment, of hurt and sometimes of anger. Yes, I already know. You are going to tell me that I should give it to the Lord and allow Him to start healing me from this pain. But, sometimes…it gets so difficult. Why won’t I let it go?
I remember the day at Allied Tube and Conduit when I stood on the plant floor with a machine lying in pieces at my feet that I had cut up with a cutting torch. I remember looking at the conveyor systems and another machine - still standing - that took me 3 years to learn how to operate with perfection. 15 days previous we had just gotten the news that Allied Tube and Conduit was shutting its doors permanently and 275 of us would be out of jobs. And now, here I stood, with the entire machine line scrapped, wondering where would I go from there…
I remember, afterward, the way my ex-wife ended our marriage after only a year and a half and the cold, callous way people - who were close to me - reacted when I told them the news. She waited the day after my last day on the job at Allied and did what she did and I remember the shock that I felt as I stood in the yard with just a suitcase, as I had to leave. I remember the little 5-year old girl - her daughter - who I had gotten to know the year and a half that I had known her. She hadn’t gotten out of school and the day before was the last day that I ever saw her again. Then, I remember why it all happened. And it had a great deal to do with finances and me losing my job…
I am asking that you all pray for me and pray for my strength in helping me to deal with this very difficult chapter in my life. I want to thank you all for your support, your prayers and your encouragement. I will be fine, soon. This is something that happens to me every now and then for the last 6 months after this had happened to me. And it gets difficult, sometimes, to deal with it…
May the Lord continue to bless you and to keep you all. In Jesus Name. Amen…
She was only 6 years old and I never got the chance to say goodbye to her….
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